so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
