Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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