Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
