Everything about him screamed your future.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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