Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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