last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
