after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
