So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
