apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
