This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
