Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Oh god it's open bar.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize