my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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