did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize