I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
