I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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