Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
farters have to be the big spoon...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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