I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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