Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
