I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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