I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
