apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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