haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
