Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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