he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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