I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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