i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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