If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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