I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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