I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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