i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
