No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
