this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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