If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
