She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
