That's intense
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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