the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
