A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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