That's when you crack a 10am beer
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
