I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
