If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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