Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
