I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize