when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
