Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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