look no pants
Jerry, you need to find god
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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