I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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