i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
