Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
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and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
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LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm getting married
To pizza
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize