I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
