..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
