More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i love accidental penises.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
