i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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