Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
she pinky promised me she was 18
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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