So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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