Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
