i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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