How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
