I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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