Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
