Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
