Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
They took my balls.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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