dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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