Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
