Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
