i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
