i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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