me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I love you.
Bad choice
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
