Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
