Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
