peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
zippers are such a cool invention
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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