shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
