she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
