Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
