we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
