um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
