I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
