Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
