Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
