So drunk its hurt
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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