okay pat passed out under dana's car
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
