piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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