I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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