i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My ass is underappreciated
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
