He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
